Marriage: The Journey to Bliss Over Perfection

Marriage is often viewed through the lens of perfection—an idealized state where everything aligns seamlessly. However, the truth is that marriage is never about perfection; it is about bliss. While perfection suggests a flawless existence, bliss encompasses the warmth of happiness and fulfillment. It is an ongoing journey where two spouses vow to build a life together, shaping their shared experiences and nurturing each other’s well-being.

The Importance of Spouses Supporting Each Other

In a successful marriage, both partners are entrusted with the responsibility of placing each other’s needs ahead of their own. This mutual support fosters a nurturing environment where both spouses can thrive. However, recognizing how effectively both partners are meeting these commitments is crucial—this is where the concept of marital appraisal comes into play.

Understanding Marital Appraisal

At its core, an appraisal is an evaluation. It involves taking the time to assess whether progress is being made toward the goals set within the relationship. In the context of marriage, it is about asking one’s partner to evaluate their shared experiences and the relationship itself. The key to this process is to approach it in a spirit of camaraderie and openness, free from fear, judgment, or criticism.

Steps for Conducting a Marital Appraisal

To undertake a marital appraisal effectively, consider the following steps:

1. Create a Comfortable Setting: Both partners should sit down together in an intimate atmosphere—one ready for honest communication but also relaxed and fun (it’s important to keep it non-sexual).

2. Foster an Enjoyable Atmosphere: Lighten the mood to make the appraisal feel less daunting and more like an engaging conversation.

3. Initiate the Evaluation: Ask your partner to share their thoughts on your role as a spouse and parent:

   • As a Spouse:

     • A. Love check – Are they feeling cherished and appreciated?
     • B. Emotional connection check – How connected do they feel to you?
     • C. Attention check – Are you attentive to their needs?
     • D. Communication check – Are discussions open and honest?
     • E. Sex check – Are both partners satisfied with this aspect?
     • F. Conflict resolution skills check – Do you manage disagreements effectively?
     • G. Spiritual life and activities check – How aligned are you spiritually?
   • As a Parent:
     • A. Love for family check – Is there sufficient love within the family unit?
     • B. Parent-children relationship check – Are you fostering a healthy dynamic?
     • C. Family provision check – Are you meeting the family’s needs?

4. Receive Feedback Graciously: Accept your spouse’s feedback in a constructive manner.

5. Express Gratitude: Thank your partner for their honesty; this builds trust and understanding.

6. Implement Changes: Based on your spouse’s feedback:
   • A. Apologize for any shortcomings you’ve revealed.
   • B. Make a plan to enhance areas needing improvement.

The Journey of Continuous Improvement

A recent personal experience highlights the power of marital appraisal. I encouraged my wife to share her thoughts about how I’ve been as a spouse. Her feedback was enlightening: while she praised me in some areas, she also pointed out behaviors that were unintentionally hurting her. Surprisingly, some of these issues were areas I hadn’t even recognized. I promised to improve, and when it was my turn to evaluate her, we mirrored each other’s experiences with the same blend of praise and constructive criticism. We grew closer and began to understand each other on deeper levels.

The Emotional Depth of Spousal Connections

Many individuals fail to appreciate that their spouse has emotions that can be affected by everyday actions—both positively and negatively. Marital appraisals address emotional lapses but also emphasize the importance of commendation and recognition in the relationship. Neglecting the emotional landscape of marriage can lead to insensitivity and disconnectedness.

In many cultures, there can be a misconception that simply being married equates to being happy. However, the reality is that a wedding does not guarantee marital bliss; understanding and fostering happiness requires ongoing effort and communication.

The Vital Role of Friendship in Marriage

A critical aspect often overlooked in marriages is friendship. Friendship not only makes the journey enjoyable but also creates a deep emotional bond that is foundational for a successful partnership. True intimacy arises from these emotional connections, reinforcing the idea that spouses should strive to be seen as steadfast allies, companions, and friends.

A Call to Action: Redefining Marital Experiences

To every couple reading this, I encourage you to take the opportunity to rewrite the narratives of your marriages. Stop making excuses for any shortcomings that may exist, and instead take proactive steps to reinvent your relationship. Change can start with a simple, honest appraisal. Your marriage is a work in progress, and there is always room for improvement.

Conclusion: Your Path to a Successful Marriage

A successful marriage is not a destination; it is an evolving journey filled with love, understanding, and laughter. By engaging in marital appraisals and embracing open dialogue, couples can cultivate a relationship that thrives on mutual appreciation and support. Through friendship, empathy, and continuous growth, you can transform your marriage into a fulfilling partnership where both individuals flourish. Remember, the only perfect thing about marriage is the joy of sharing life with someone who truly cares.