Navigating Self-Expression and Midlife Transformation: A Journey through Menopause, Piercings, and Self-Discovery
In the serene backdrop of the Blue Mountains, nestled within a quaint one-woman nail salon, I find myself in an intimate moment with Mel, the salon owner and my now-favorite nail technician. As she delicately holds my hands, scrutinizing my fingernails, I can’t help but glance at Linda, another patron, who is waiting for her treatment, fresh from battling the greys in her hair. This tiny salon, with its small-town charm, serves as a surprisingly poignant backdrop to discuss the complexities of self-identity, particularly as it relates to the often-ignored topic of menopause.
Embracing Change
A month ago, I made the impulsive decision to pierce my nose—a statement, perhaps, against the relentless march of age. At 55, I felt the pressure of societal expectations of beauty and propriety weighing heavily on me. It was a part of a larger narrative of asserting my identity, a trend not limited to just piercings but inclusive of tattoos and radical changes in my hairstyle. These choices, while reflecting a certain desire for rebellion and renewal, represent classic clichés of menopause. Yet, like all clichés, there is often a deeper truth lurking beneath the surface.
A Moment of Reflection
As I sit in Mel’s salon, I recall the advice I offer my writing students: when encountering a cliché, pause and reflect. Allow your mind to wander and reimagine the experience. This technique, when employed, often leads to uncovering new insights, beyond the usual associations. Closing my eyes and rethinking my recent decisions—like the time I nervously sat in a tattoo studio, or the moment I grimaced through the pain at the piercing salon—reveals a more profound exploration of self than mere rebellion against age.
The Duality of Pain
In that reflective space, I confront the reality that my decision to pierce my nose was intrinsically linked to the processes I associated with menopause. It was not just about telling the world that this body is mine; it was a subconscious wish to embrace pain—pain that feels chosen rather than inflicted by life’s relentless circumstances like grief or loss. I find comfort in the idea that pain, even if self-inflicted through tattoos or piercings, is a way of reclaiming agency over my body.
The Menopause Experience Exchange
Fast forward to my visit with Mel: my nose, still swollen and sore from a recent trip to Belfast, becomes a topic of conversation. Linda and I bond over menopausing woes, sharing our own anecdotes of forgetfulness, mood swings, and the supposed blessings and curses of our age. Our camaraderie is a testament to a shared experience—one that includes frustrations with our changing bodies and fluctuating emotions. We talk about the spectrum of menopause symptoms: the bewilderment of forgetting why we entered a room, the strange anger bubbling just beneath the surface, the unexpected weight gain, alongside remarkable moments of self-affirmation.
Beyond the Surface
My reflections unveil an understanding that the experience of menopause is not a one-size-fits-all narrative. While some women glide through with minimal symptoms, others wrestle with profound changes that upend their daily lives. It’s a raucous array of experiences—some women find liberation in their sexuality, while others battle with loss and depression. Menopause can be a silent struggle or a loud celebration, often blending both.
The Cliché Conundrum
As I ponder our conversations, I can’t help but wrestle with the clichés that surround menopause. Should I feel outraged at the lack of understanding surrounding this phase of life? Should I embrace the curves that come with maturity or hide behind a veil of modesty? These questions swirl in my mind, playing against the backdrop of societal expectations and the relentless pursuit of youth.
Struggling with Identity
In the week following my nail appointment, I reconnect with two dear friends from university. The familiar bond feels comforting, yet our conversations quickly turn chaotic, fueled by wine and a shared frustration with the world. I witness the tangible effects of menopause—the hot flashes, the laughter, the camaraderie, and maybe a touch too much wine, which ironically exacerbates the very symptoms we hoped to soothe.
A Complex Legacy
The journey through menopause reveals itself as a multifaceted experience—as intricate as our identities themselves. While I’m still brooding over whether my decision for a nose ring was a foolish attempt at youthful rebellion, I find a comforting realization: there’s no right way to navigate this stage of life. While I may not feel like a warrior woman yet, and my nose is still healing, I also don’t feel the weight of that self-hatred as I once did.
Defining My Own Path
Ultimately, the definition of self becomes a personal endeavor. I think back to my younger self—the girl whose soundtrack was Björk’s "Debut." Am I embracing ferocity and joy, or am I forging a path through uncertainty? There’s no map for this journey of self-discovery, and perhaps a compass may only serve to further confuse.
Tegan Bennett Daylight beautifully encapsulates this pursuit in her works, blending the nuances of identity and transformation. In a world that often simplifies complex experiences into clichés, I embrace the chaotic tapestry of my life—a life marked by piercings, tattoos, and the messy, beautiful unfolding of self at midlife.
